Message of Butterfly

One night, I was having a delightful conversation with BM&TM. In which we were discussing the topic of "Change." We observed that so many people are afraid of change that they would rather be in the living hell that they are in and would fight you tooth and nail against you in order to stay in their misery. Why? Because there is a certain level of comfort in the known.

Look at a lot of people repeating the same pattern of behaviors and then complain, "Why does this always happen to me?" Well, because they keep going back to the pattern of behavior that is known and has a certain comfort. How many of us know people who complain about having horrible boyfriends or girlfriends and yet continue to date various clones of their horrible ex?! It takes a certain kind of strength to break out of the cycle, to get use to something that isn't known!

I read an article by Nicholas D. Kristof in the New York Times called "Loss of Innocence" in which he purchased the freedom of two teen prostitutes in Cambodia and arranged it so they would be reunited with their families they were taken from as young girls. One of the girls willingly went back to the brothel who had kidnapped her in the first place, and one can only guess that the real reason was the fear of the unknown and all the new variables that came into her life at this new life.

When I think of stories like that I am reminded of a story that TM told me:

A person noticed a butterfly struggling so very hard to break out of the chrysalis. The observer watched as the butterfly fought and fought and felt a little sorry for it and then watched as the butterfly finally broke free and flew off.

The observer then came across another butterfly struggling out of the chrysalis. This time, the observer thought she would help and so she cut the chrysalis so the butterfly wouldn't have to struggle and could just fly away.

But, the butterfly could not fly and ended up dying. The struggle of the butterfly out of the chrysalis was important and part of the process of strengthening the butterfly so when it finally did break out, it would have the strength to fly off on its own.

Sometimes, when you are going through what seems to be hell, is just a time in which you are are developing the strength for a new phase in life.  It's all a matter of perspective and perception. Unfortunately, most of us don't have the ability to see too far into the future, so we aren't able to see the immediate blessings of the situation we are going through at the moment and yet when we look back, we can see the gift of the struggle in our present situation and that it wasn't as horrible or as bad as we thought it was...

Sometimes, the rewards of the struggles have a habit of making us forget the pain and the struggles of the journey.

 

But the question is, "How do you know what the outcome will be until you are WILLING to try?"

Spiritual Engineer

For those who don't know, I am what most people would describe as a Shaman. A Shaman is an ancient Siberian word to describe a person who is in communication with the spirit world and the plane in which we exist physically. There are TONS of different types of Shamans and there all are products of their experiences and their culture. So the most typical image of a Shaman for Western Cultures is the Medicine Man or Woman from the Native American Cultures. However, there are others out there, mostly in tribal cultures, such as among the Aborigines (Australia), Eskimo (Alaska), Sami (Lapland, Finland), Mongolians, Siberia, Mali (Africa), Peruvian (South American), and the list goes on and on.

On a personal level, after my trip to Korea to answer a lot of all consuming questions concerning my personal identity, I was informed that along the female lineage, my family had a lot of healers. As being a Mudang (Shaman) in Korea placed you in the very low social class, so my family started distancing itself from the title to avoid the stigma of being a Shaman. My mother tried to suppress this information from me, but through my cousin, I found out that one of my Korean Aunts is a practicing Mudang and that this was our heritage. Now this didn't necessarily make me automatically think that I was a Shaman, but rather it was picking up one Shaman book after another and realizing that I was already doing these practices but in my own ways. The intent to remove lost or attached spirit entities was there, I just didn't do things like walk up blade stairs to do it. ;o)

The picture below is a Mudang, who is about to perform the blade stair case ritual. In which she will walk up the blade step to the top platform. This is done as a way to frighten the evil spirits that are around because they can see how powerful she is by performing such a dangerous feat! I took this photo at the Andong mask festival when I was in Korea.

 
Based on what I had witnessed and learned about Shamanism, I was still very reluctant to call myself a Shaman, until one day, it just hit me that the title wasn't for me, but rather it was for those who did not know me. A place for people to start before they dove in to the information that I had to offer.

Although, I have to say, I rather like the description that my good friend TM offered up the term, "Spiritual Engineer." An engineer is someone who takes theories and use them for practical purposes. Well, I pretty much operate in the same way when it comes to spiritual matters, take these practices and use them to make our physical lives better. That really describes me very well. I'm a problem solver, that's for sure. 

That's something I found rather frustrating about Psychology Research. It seems like they just begin the process, trying to pinpoint what the issues are, but then they don't seem to do anything with what they found. It seems like the information is then left and they start over to find other ways in which they get to the same "problem." Which it is good to get an idea as to what the various triggers are, but eventually you need to actually deal with the problem itself. Perhaps they look at the other side of the equation once you get past the Undergraduate stage, not sure, but frustrating for a problem solver such as myself.

Yet, the more I travel this road, the more that I am realizing that it's really the PROCESS that matters, not the end result.  In other words, it's what you saw and did on your journey to XX, not you being at XX.  Watch the movie "Up!" and you'll see the message there.

Labels?! I don't need no stinkin' labels!

A topic near and dear to my...throat... is how I despise labels. I guess to be more specific, I despise how people use and abuse labels.

It is because of labels that I spend most of my life on this quest to figure out my self Identity. Being of a mixed race, I was often asked, "What ARE you?" Which, didn't bother me, except when asked in a rather rude way, as though I was some sort of freak or something.

This theme was brought up again when we were required to fill out government questionnaires in school which asked what Race you were. During this time, "Mixed" or "Bi-racial" was not an option so I would sit and stare looking at which ONE of those boxes accurately fit me. I asked my teachers which box and they would just shrug their shoulders and just say, "Pick one," or "Put down your father's race." I recall asking my father and he told me to pick, "White." Which to me, felt as though it was wrong, like it was somehow denying my Korean heritage and I always felt uneasy about that.

Through the years, the option to pick "Mixed" or "check all the boxes that apply"  became allowed, which made me feel more at peace with myself. However, the guilt of having to choose between the two heritages was the primary motivator for me to study abroad in Korea several years ago. Which has turned out to be one of the most rewarding and enriching things I have ever done in my life, thus far, and I doubt I would have gone on this trip had I not been for my adolescent experiences.

Now don't get me wrong, labels are a great way to classify and discuss things in a quick manner, but there are those who will immediately disregard you due to a simple label, who would completely disregarding the individuality of the person or situation due to the label. It is as if they are so caught up in their static ideology, that they can't actually see situations as what they really are, fluid and ever changing. It is THIS abuse of labels that I have issue.

Throughout history great atrocities have occurred due to labeling abuses. Entire groups of people have used the "US vs THEM" labels to call for the genocides or abuses of people. The most obvious being "Nazi vs Jews," but you also have "Tutsi vs Hutu," "VRS vs Bosniak," "Taliban vs ...well, pretty much anyone who disagrees with them," "KKK vs minorities" and on and on and on.

What really got me was the mantra I kept hearing from a certain group, "If you aren't FOR the war, then you're AGAINST the troops." Um...my father was a solider, I wouldn't want him killed or ANY service person killed. Seems to me, that being AGAINST the war is pretty much FOR the troops, but then again, they were just using a Straw Man fallacy.

So that got me wondering why this was besides the obvious, trying to dehumanize a group so it was psychologically "easier" to deal with abusing another living being. In my book group, we read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" which has explained to me just how powerful the Ego is at driving people to do things they would never normally do, just to preserve their Ego or sense of self.

Amazon.com: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club, Selection 61): Eckhart Tolle: Books ISBN: 0452289963 ISBN-13: 9780452289963

Which got me to realize I was one of those people who firmly believed that I was my thoughts and beliefs. I would viciously attack anyone who questioned my thoughts and beliefs, because as I wrongly believed, that these very things were ME. I refused to change my position on views because to change would to admit that I was wrong and that definitely was not allowed if I wanted to keep my identity as intelligent woman. As I grew older, I became more and more rigid and firm in my viewpoints...until I became enlightened.

A Bunny Trail:

I had been struggling with neck issues shortly after my 24th birthday, I had started seeing a Chiropractor and was beginning to become very discouraged as it started to look like I would ALWAYS be under the care of a Chiropractor. After a dark night of the soul, I began on a journey to find a way to heal myself. Fate lead me to a Reiki Open House in which I was introduced to the Japanese alternative healing art and what would be the beginning of my spiritual path.

I soon met other like-minded spiritual seekers and began reading all sorts of books about alternative medicine. My roommate at the time introduced me to Louise Hay's "You can heal your life".

Amazon.com: You Can Heal Your Life: Louise Hay: Books ISBN: 0937611018 ISBN-13: 9780937611012

Once I read this book, things started to add up for me, and I was able to peel away at the layers of emotional hurts that I had been causing my DIS-EASE. According to Louise Hay, one of the issues dealing with my neck was my stubborn refusal to see other sides of an issue. (Ring a bell?)

 

Basically all of this stuff was just to point out the importance of being flexible and being willing to change and that it really is OK to change your mind. From what I am beginning to understand, only those who are able to change and adapt to the situation are the ones who will survive, those who refuse to change will be destroyed in one way or another. Heck, I've just described Evolution!

Learn from my and other people's mistakes! Don't get caught up in labels or rigid views which prevent you from adapting and growing, because it sure makes you a prime candidate for manipulation and a BIG PAIN IN THE NECK!

Tucson Gem Show - 2009

For those who don't know, I am the official "Foot up Christy's butt" business motivator of Harmony Crossings, a metaphysical jewelry store. If you believe in Numerology, it's because I'm a Life Path of 8, but if you don't, it's because I'm logical and have some background in Business from the Wake Forest Summer It's All About Business Program and a couple of classes that I took at Virginia Tech and ETSU. ;o)

Anyway, because of my involvement with Harmony Crossings and also having several things just click into place, we ended up going to the Gem Show of all US Gem Shows, the Tucson Gem Show. Basically, the city of Tucson is transformed into several huge Gem Shows. They have pretty much everything you can think of in the way of Gems and Mineral Specimens.

 

As fate would have it, we have two wonderful friends, Moria and Lori, who were kind enough to put me, Christy, and my sis, up for the week. So in between buying things for the store, we sprinkled in various side trips. Which, we could not have done, without the kindness of Moria for trusting me with her vehicle. You rock chica!!

I would just like to say, how very fortunate and grateful I am with all these wonderful experiences I continue to have in my life. I mean, how often do you just say, "I'd like to go to the Tucson Gem Show" and have all these opportunities to make it become a reality? The key though, is actually seizing these opportunities. Not saying that you should seize EVERY opportunity, but the ones you REALLY want to take.

Yes, I'm one of those "woo woo" people who believes in the power of Crystals and other things that have been described as false by science. It is my belief that there are many things that science hasn't quite figured out yet and will prove later as technology improves.

The Gem Show is a mixed bag energetically. There are some places that have what I would describe as bad energy, which makes me immediately back out of the tent, and not even bother with looking at their merchandise. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but I trust this feeling and move on. For instance, this place here, did not feel good.

There are other tents where the energy feels really good and it's like walking into a party with a bunch of your friends. We went into another tent where they also had furs and it didn't feel as sad, yet the "product" (I hate to use this term for these animals) did not have a "massacre" feel to it.

Yes, I know it seems odd to see skinned foxes at a Gem Show but for some reason it ties in with a lot of Shamanic and New Age practices, which I just got to question a bit. As someone who resonates with Shamanism (this will be another blog entry in itself to go into the depth of all this), I really have to question the reasoning behind using furs and feathers obtained from a chop shop. Perhaps in the past, there was a legitimacy in using such things for they did not have alternative objects, such as a stuffed animal, to represent the animal spirit.

How is one honoring the spirit of an animal by using their fur that came from commercialized murder?

I think this is an example of where the spiritual message got lost in the dogma of the practice.

No-Thingness

This is where I am in my life, in a state of "No Thingness." I've been in this state for several months now. Just in this state of where it seems nothing is happening, that nothing is really going on, it just kind of...is.

This is a somewhat surreal place. Where I'm going through the motions of  life and yet, when I try to get a glimpse of my future, of where I will go from here, I can't see a thing. It is like being in this card, where everything is pitch black and I can't see a damn thing. I don't know what is up, or what is down. Just this floating in suspended animation.

 

Card V: No-Thingness from Osho Zen Tarot

This isn't a bad place, really.

Oh sure, it CAN be a bad place, but it's all in how you perceive this place that will determine how you will feel.

If I were to describe how I viewed life, I would say that life is a play in which everyone is the main character, and everyone that you know is a guest star on your show and you in theirs, and no one has an official script. Every now and then, you find yourself in your dressing room (No-thingness).

You have several choices while in your dressing room.

You can try to come up with some lines you will say for possible scenarios, knowing that this might be a futile exercise because you really have no idea what is going to happen when you do get back out there on the stage. 

You could just worry yourself, pacing back and forth, growing more anxious as you hear the hammering and the saws of the crews working on the mystery set above.

You could consult someone who had a glimpse of your stage for some advice.

Or you could just relax and just take a nap, getting rested up for whatever might happen, trusting that your crew is taking care of things for you.

I have been in varying degrees of all situations and am now starting to relax into just trusting that everything is going to turn out just fine. Do I still get nervous when I don't hear or feel the crew above? Um...YES, but now I've realized that if I call out to my loyal crew above, I am usually greeted with a chuckle and assurances that everything is just fine.

Something amazing is on the horizon for me, this I am sure. What it is, I'm not sure, but it's going to be a fun ride. :o)

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

China 2007 - Day 4: Forbidden City

Our final day in China was spent at Tian'anmen Square (Gate of Heavenly Peace) area before we went could go into the Forbidden City. Prior to this trip, all I knew about Tian'anmen Squares was that it was where all these students were killed by the Government for wanting democracy. I was roughly 12 years old when this tragic event occurred and all I can recall about the event was a grainy video of a tank as it was about to run over a student protestor. I had no idea where we were until I saw a cheerful Olympics store stating where we were.

 

Immediately a soberness came over me and I started to take in the surrounding area from a different perspective. The cheerful pre-Olympic decorated streets were ignored and I saw this wide corridor as a site in which thousands were running for their lives on that fateful June 1989 day. As I stood in the center of the Square, surrounded by armed guards with machine guns watchfully surveying tourists for any signs of trouble, I just took in the area. I had not known that Tian'anmen Square was surrounded by so many grand governmental buildings, Chairman Mao's Tomb, and the entrance to the Imperial City.

The guide told me, through my cousin, that to view Chairman Mao, you would have get there roughly around 5 am and wait several hours to see him for a minute. This was AFTER you got a ticket that gave you permission to be allowed to stand in line.

On the side closest to us, was the Great Hall of the People, in which there was a huge Olympics countdown clock.

There was a certain line in the Square that you could not cross that was heavily guarded. I'm not sure why they chose this area to block off, except for that it was directly in front of the opening to the Imperial City and the huge Chairman Mao painting but still there was a 4 lane roadway and a huge sidewalk in front of that.

If you are a map geek, you should totally check it out on Google Earth, although, they don't have it in 3D mode yet, but still gives you an idea of how HUGE the Forbidden City is in size. Before we actually got into the "forbidden" part of the city, we came across a military exercise being done in one of the court yards.

There was just so many people trying to get in and that was still with our set entrance times. So we were instructed to follow the Maroon flag. Notice again, the yellow glazed tiles above the entrance into the Forbidden City. From what I understand they replaced the jade for preservation reasons.

One of the interesting stories relayed to me was that at some point, an assassin tried to dig his way under the city to kill the Emperor. After that incident, the city was redone to where the streets were now 10 m (32 feet) deep in solid concrete. O_o The familiar gray concrete bricks can be seen in all the works done by the Ming Dynasty and the Forbidden City is no exception.

The architecture was really amazing throughout and it was interesting to note that things were very similar to what I had seen in Korea but a much LARGER scale. Holy smokes!

I had to take a picture of the royal staircase. The Emperor was only allowed to be carried up the stairway. Yes, it is that steep! I can't imagine being one of the servants having to carry the Emperor up that staircase!

During the trip, there was a family with two young children. The well behaved older son and the young daughter, who wanted to hang out with the older girls. I didn't mind the little girl hanging out with us although, I don't know how the other 20 something Korean girls felt about her hanging out with them. She was a delight and boy was she passive aggressive toward her parents, especially her mother, when told to leave us older girls alone. She sulked for several hours, being this ball of gloom in all family photo shots, not responding to her mother's attempt to buy her happiness with Olympic souvenir toys and favorite candies. Cherry would have NONE of that. I just laughed at this spectacle that had taken place for almost 24 hours  (started in Day 3) and told her mother it would be an honor if Cherry could join me and Ji-Eun on the tour. Cherry immediately perked up and was a huge ball of light for the rest of the tour. She was so cute!

We also hung out with a Korean teenager, who was thrilled that I would want her to hang out with us and let her practice her English with me. Her comprehension and pronunciation was really amazing for a middle school student. I wished we got a picture of her! I have a picture of her brother, but not her. Strange. Anyway, she was a treat as well. :o)

Our China cousin had also given us an exotic Chinese fruit, called a Dragon Fruit. She said it was delicious, but we couldn't figure out how to eat it (we had no knife) and we figured we couldn't bring it back to Korea with us, so we gave it to the bus driver. Along with the various Chinese cookies and candies we picked up at a local convenience store. Talk about YUCK! The cookies all had a diesel taste to it. Isn't this the coolest looking fruit though?

 

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed my trip. Had a lot of amazing experiences, even though a lot of it was under the careful eye of the Chinese Government and it was pretty obvious that a lot of the trip was designed so we only saw the positive side of China. Which, let's face it, who would should you their slums or their messy rooms or their "crazy" relatives? ha!

There was a lot about China that was an eye opener to me as far as my preconceptions of how China was ruled. I was expecting to see the physical presence of this Communist Iron Fist and was surprised to see it so infrequently. Where was this "scary" China I heard so much about it? Where just breathing funny could get you in jail? But, you know, truth be said, I would rather not find out.

That's it for our trip! Thank you for joining me!

China 2007: Day 3

Early the next day, we were loaded up with a suitcase full of tea for our various aunts and met with our tour group at the Temple of Heaven. The Temple of Heaven was built by the Ming Dynasty to pay special homage to Heaven. Inside the Temple of Heaven is a huge park where local Chinese exercise and hang out. Mostly with a lot of older Chinese.

We got to see several groups practicing various styles of Tai Chi. Here's fan Tai Chi.

Here's Sword Tai Chi.

Then there were folks who did calligraphy, I wish I knew what they were writing out. This was all done with a type of sponge mop and water.

After a while Ji-Eun and I started trying to take interesting photo shots. You can only have so many peace sign poses. So I introduced Ji-Eun to these jump shots, which she really enjoyed doing, and no we didn't care that everyone else was looking at us like we were crazy. Oh and you can see the suitcase that was full of tea beside her. ha!

After much walking we finally got to the temple. Where I did my jumping pose. Did I mention that the Chinese have HUGE buildings?

We then got back on the bus and headed to some place where we got to ride on the bike taxis...

...to go see a man who was a Cricket fighting champion?

Yeah, I don't get it either but hey, it was a definitely UNIQUE experience.

What I thought was funny was how part of the tour was to show the Koreans how the Chinese was a bed culture. This was somewhat interesting to the Koreans, as Koreans typically sleep on the floor due to the floor heating system. My cousin just shrugged her shoulders as her family has beds too.

At some point we ended up going to two more of our sponsors, a textile store and a NASA foam pillow and mattress store. zzzZZZzzz

We then went to the Summer Palace, which was most famously known as the summer resort of Empress Dowager Cixi. Now what I didn't know was that this was the place that a Chinese storyteller spoke about when she came to the International Storyteller Center. So I missed out on the Stone Boat that she told her story about. Doh! Apparently instead of spending the money on her Navy like her counsel requested, the Empress built a stone boat to mock them. Well, I guess they had the last "We told you so" when the French came and burned parts of the Summer Palace due to the weak Chinese Navy. ha!

This palace has a man made lake surrounding it. It just boggles the mind how many men must have been used to create such a thing back in the 1750's. Geez! When we were there, it was so old that the Lake was frozen and people were skating on it.

Along the way toward the Palace, I ran into two elderly Chinese ladies who were selling post cards. I had avoided these street vendors before but I have a soft spot for elderly women trying to make a living, so I "haggled" just asking her to go down the equivalent of a dollar knowing full well I could have gotten it a lot cheaper than that but wanted her to have the money anyway. She just beamed, like she couldn't believe she actually sold one and then she went off to tell her friend. Who was also elderly and not in good health, so I also "haggled" with her and bought a packet from her. Then ran off before they could find more friends! ha! Ji-Eun remarked that I was really kind and I told her that I felt better knowing that at least tonight, those two women would be eating dinner. She thought about it and tracked down one of those old ladies and bought post cards from her as well. ha!

Ji-Eun posing on the Long Corridor after we got our post cards from the old ladies. The Long Corridor was a path in which only the Royalty and their attendants could walk, others had to walk beside it. So I made a point to walk the entire corridor. ;o)

Oh and here's a close up of one of the Yellow Jade protective spirits of the Palace Roofs.

Isn't that just so cool?